Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
