I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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