So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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