Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
