I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
