you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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