you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
