Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
