i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
