Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pants are for mortals
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
