Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
