No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
