Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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