somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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