I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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