Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize