I wanna passion pit in your ass
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
