she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Panties = found
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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