if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
