Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
