Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
