I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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