I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
