Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
