I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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