My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
