I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
