tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
