You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
