so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
