she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
