I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
