Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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