I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
