just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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