i just sent this text using only my big toe
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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