Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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