You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
