she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
