I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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