arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
