So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
