U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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