I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
