im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
