so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
