I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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