Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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