i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
