PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
