my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
