on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
