Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
