I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Rumble strips road head = magical
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
