So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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