so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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