yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
