I think my fart just growled at me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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