I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
