the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
