i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
