Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
