hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
