i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
