do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
