I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
