hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
