I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
