they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
