He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
