Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize