halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
