He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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